A Race...Against Time

How would you feel if you were training for an event or race that was never going to happen? Alternatively, how would you train if you knew there was a possibility that you may not be able to physically participate in or finish said event --say, a 5k or half marathon? Think about all that training you've done and still need to do...by yourself. Do you keep going? How do you push as hard when not in a team or say, paired up with a buddy? Do you still challenge yourself or give into the den of slack that your gym bag is sure to become? Overheard in Hollywood more than a Starbucks order, you ask yourself, "What's my motivation?"

This is where I am these days. After all the snark has left, the comparisons and self doubt, this mental and physical limbo remain. After the fibroid diagnosis, I continued on my normal path of exercise and weight loss. Sure I can't run as fast as some girls, but they're not carrying a tiny watermelon in their abdomen. I chose to try random gym classes, pilates and even boxing. At least 2 out of the 3 stuck with me. 6 months later I am 18 pounds lighter and just ran 11 miles last week by myself. That's a long time to have your feet hit the sidewalk and your thoughts jiggle around your brain! Never in a million years did I think I could maintain that time or distance alone but the reward is great.

I consulted with my doctor last week about impending surgery and have a consult with a surgeon tomorrow. With all the timing out of sync, the risk of not being able to run my half marathon in March still sits with me everyday. I noticed I let myself "relax" this weekend, aka wallow in self pity and it didn't do me any good. I'm sure the sleep was welcome, but I could sense that if I let a weekend go by, soon enough a week or two would go by before I ventured out to the gym again or hit the pavement for a run. I felt as if I was already acting bedridden. Unacceptable! I am the master of excuses and my dog is not big enough to eat my gym shoes. When your only motivating factor is yourself, it's kind of a shame to let yourself down in my opinion.

I get overwhelmed with the number of things I want to accomplish. I want to: fit into my jeans, run a faster mile, squat a heavier weight, jump rope for 1 minute, do a yoga handstand etc...that I lose sight of the umbrella I literally squat under. Well being. All of these fitness factors contribute to that one main goal. Regardless if I run my race or not, I have come far. I fear being bedridden after surgery and losing all that I have built up, but I know I'll be able to do it again. I may even go farther.

A friend once said to me that "We are challenged the greatest at the moments we can handle them." I hope this is true. I wake up these days and imagine myself longer, leaner, stronger and harnessing the capability to inspire others or just motivate my own butt out of bed. I try to remember these things during my workouts:

1) Be accountable. Whether it's a journal, blog, food or photo diary - record and be responsible for yourself and actions. You may not see all my food or pant sizes, but they are there for my reference!

2) Move. Want to run? Just start walking, you'll be amazed how soon you pick up the pace. Just the act of standing up is more than sitting!

3) Get over yourself. No matter how red your face gets while working out (I am totally self conscious), I think of the blush it will soon have when someone says how great you look.

4) Get your work out done early in the day. I'll force myself to go for a run before work or the gym and feel 100x better after. Then, the rest of my day is free from worry and sweat ;)

5) Be realistic with your goals and recognize your efforts. I won't fit into my jeans tomorrow, but I know I've stayed within my calories for today. Baby steps.