Crazy Train

The good news for today is, I can still run the half marathon in March. This of course, is still dependent on the calf sprain and heel pain that has arisen from my 12 miler this past weekend. I really pushed myself Saturday, thinking I would only do another 10 or 11mi training run. The weather was so nice though, I decided to try a new, farther route. When "half way" was already 7 miles, I knew I'd be doing a little more than I originally planned or bargained for. (Here's my lil trail I run to the left)

I started out as usual around Emeryville and made my way to Eastshore State Park. The goal was to go around or near the Albany Bulb (or even Costco!) and I found it a nice, off trail detour anyway. It was nice up until I got lost in the maze though!

As I ran aimlessly amidst dog walkers and homeless folk, I found artwork to admire (see Albany Jesus below) and I got some hill work in. It was nice to experience different terrains, from pavement to sand to rocky dog trail all under a blaring sun and a 67 degree California winter day. I decided to end at mile 12 since that was what I had scheduled for next week's mileage and from the feeling in my legs, I probably should have cut it off even earlier. The thing is, this last run felt different from the previous. I was mentally in a space this week I was so eager to get out of, the only way out in my mind WAS to run. I am training for this half marathon not to compete, but to just complete. If I can beat the course in a time shorter than my first half in 2006, I'll be one happy camper. And not injure myself...

Hey, you made it! What's up?

I was happy this Saturday though. Even though I am running with a tumor the size of a cantaloupe inside of me and a bladder half its normal size (which makes trying to find a pit stop REAL fun on long runs), I'm still doing it. I'm still running. I tried to take that in and be thankful for what I can still do. Miles 6-9 were a breeze for me. I kept glancing at my watch, watching the distance go by and my heart rate remain steady. I'd look up and another half mile or so would be gone as I ran past soccer fields, parking lots, random street art and dog walkers, or even major shopping areas. I felt both elated and strong, yet I also felt a bit of sadness. I won't be able to do this for much longer, and especially after surgery in April. It will take a while to work back up to even a jog.

I had my first (and hopefully last) injection of Lupron today. Outside of a sore butt cheek, so far so good. This is a hormone therapy course I need to take pre-op in order to shrink my uterus and Lupe (the fibroid) so that they can be removed laparoscopically. You see, April 6 I am scheduled to have a hysterectomy. There, I said it internet. I am officially retiring my uterus! Be on the lookout for a party in the near future.

It took me a while to come to terms with this and choose my method of operation wisely. Because of the size of my fibroid cluster (likened to a 20 week pregnancy), and the location (uterine wall AND cervix), it was suggested. My age plays into it as well. As I turn 35 this year, I don't foresee any children popping up unexpectedly and I never saw myself with any. I can be thankful for that, as I would be devastated if I were someone who always saw themselves as a mother at some point in their lives.

I voted for a full hysterectomy because the chance fibroids can grow back in a body that can still bear a child for another 10 years is great. Conservative therapies won't help, maybe temporary shrinkage can help, but the fact this sucker is also pushing around my other internal organs and shifting things in a bad way, it puts me in a higher risk situation. The thought of another possible surgery down the line did not sit well with me.

I could try to remove only the fibroid through abdominal surgery, but that requires a lengthier recovery, a harsher surgery and well, risk of more blood loss especially if the surgical team can't get the fibroids removed without leaving too much scar tissue etc... I would have to prepare for a hysterectomy anyway, just in case things got too complicated while they were all up in my business as I was on the table. At least after this, I will have zero risk for cervical or uterine cancer! Yay?

These thoughts scare me, they keep me awake and I don't like the insane amount of research I've done on side effects, risks and other little factoids. As I embark on what is pretty much "fast forward forced menopause" in the next few months, I get to also battle the symptoms a women who is actually going through the 'pause enjoys.

Cue the Crazy Train, for I have now officially embarked. I have been told to expect nausea, hot flashes, weight gain or loss, anxiety, fatigue, insomnia and joint pain. This really works well with a training regiment, wouldn't you say? I am hoping that I am in the top % that does NOT get horribly affected with any of these afflictions. As with any foreign hormone or shot, every body is different and I can only wait things out to see how I feel. I've made a commitment to myself and to my body to try and remain as strong and as healthy as possible. I don't see this as an easy task though, when motivation is outweighed by emotion sometimes.