Anxious

I've been hiding. I haven't really tracked my food the last week or so, maybe 3 out of 7 days so I'm starting a clean slate today. I can honestly say it's probably because I've been allowing myself to eat things I know I shouldn't.

Even though I went vegetarian for a full week, I caved in to the craving of meat and got a bahn mi sandwich--two days in a row. Granted, one was after a 4.5 mile run, so I earned it, and carbs immediately after a long workout are better handled by one's body. The other one, and pizza twice in one week? Not so easily excused except for the fact we had Groupons. Sigh. Good thing I balance all the foodie ones with exercise ones that are stacking up against me right now. When will I find the time to box, do a month of yoga and a week at a strange gym? I think it's also safe for me and my tat to go back to bikram or at least heated yoga. I think my body definitely needs to stretch.

I can't really say what happened, because nothing happened. Work is sort of stressing me out and the Pres is basically ignoring me, so of course I read that as: I am going to get fired, but who knows...I continued with my workouts and gym classes like a good egg, straight through to the weekend. Sunday was going to be my day off, but since I knew Monday was Halloween, I figured why not try to run around the neighborhood instead of the treadmill for an easy jog. Well, that easy jog turned into half an hour of back killing doom. I started to feel very anxious about the half marathon I signed up for. If I was winded and hurting from a lousy 2.25mi around my neighborhood and the Pixar studios, how on EARTH was I going to run 13.1 miles? Ugh.Then of course I get all maudlin on myself and imagine I'll be the woman who DIES for no reason while running a half. I don't want to be that girl.

The treadmill is one thing, but concrete is another, especially for the shock it gives to my poor lower back. I had to return my new sexy running shoes because after 20 minutes on the treadmill they were crushing the big toe joints in both feet. They run a bit small and now I get to wait about 2 weeks until a new pair comes in. I really liked the Mizuno Inspire 7 and thank god Running Warehouse was so awesome and let me exchange them even after I wore them. They are truly my hero. That, and the fact they sell them for less than $100 makes me love them even more.

I had veggie deep dish pizza on Monday night, and while I didn't give out candy and have had only TWO (2!) pieces of Halloween candy thus far, I feel like I've let my carb guard down. A bahn mi here, some pizza there, rice with dinner, I feel bloated and will have probably gained this week. I can't let myself get caught in the "I ran, therefore I can eat" trap.

I took Mon and Tue off from the gym and running bc of needed rest and a migraine. I was just sort of down in the dumps yesterday. I forced myself to run today during lunch, and I am at least happy that I could run 33 minutes straight at an easier pace. My goal is to get to 45 minutes. 4 months ago, when I picked up running again, I could barely run for 4 minutes straight, let alone not feel like a potato sack was hanging off each ass cheek, so progress has been made.

During the week, I am doing an interval run, a short, "easy" run, 1 long run on the weekend and then a run with no walking to train. It's hard, and I'm not that fast. I just sort of feel like weight loss goals and running goals are still so very, very far off for me. Gotta do more, gotta be more.